Tuesday, April 03, 2007

wounds do not always heal...

Smoke was everywhere. The stifled echoing of boots just barely reached the ears. As if in a dream, Olana’s consciousness slowly returned. The limp forms of younglings, padawans, knights and masters alike littered the floor. But along with vision, hearing, and the rest of the senses, came the unforgettable feeling of flaming hot, then cold pain. The pain was everywhere. It did not matter where, it felt like everywhere.

Anakin. She had known there was something not right. No matter how many fellow Jedi had tried to tell her there was nothing to worry about. No matter how many citizens sang his praises during the war, there had always seemed to her to be something odd, something not quite right. Here was the proof. Lying all around her was the work of “The Chosen One”. The so-called savior had come in, Lightsaber brandished, with an entire legion of clones. They had then proceeded to cut down any Jedi they saw. Olana first instinct was to run to the younglings and find a way to get them out. But before she could, they had all run up to the Council’s chambers and she didn’t get there in time. The site of all those children, of all species, all together in death, by someone they were striving to be. No more.

Slowly, Olana Chion opened her eyes. The sound of the clones was getting fainter, but the smoke was building up. If she still wanted to survive, she had to get up despite the pain. Gingerly she rolled over on her side and propped up one elbow. Pain shot up and she started to take notice of her injuries. There were multiple saber wounds that had grazed her on both arms and legs, but still allowed her to walk. The biggest problem was her face and clothes.

No longer neat and clean were her robes. Instead, they were covered in scorch marks from where Anakin’s near misses had come in contact with her long robe. Also, an oozing of blood from where the almost killing bow to her face had been bleeding was drying up. Olana reached up to her tender face. The burn-like patch ran from her hairline down to her jaw. There was no way to get it healed now, and it would most likely leave a scar; a big scar.

Memories that she would rather forget started to flood her thoughts. As she ran down from the Council chamber, she had to fight her way through five? Ten clones? It did not matter. She had to get to Anakin before he did anything more damage. After rounding a few more corners, with each hallway filled with more dead Jedi, she found him. The horrors the reached her sight was maddening. Here was the Chosen one, fighting with his fellow Jedi and mowing them down with no effort at all. She tried to reach out to him, but she got back was hatred, anger, and fear. The dark side. Anakin Skywalker had fallen.

Olana shook her head. Now was not the time to dwell on past events. She had to get out; she had to get off Coruscant. If the clones were attacking Jedi, she could not go to them for help. She first had to find out what was going on. Slowly and carefully getting to her feet, a rush of nausea and dizziness swept over her. ‘Not now,’ She thought, ‘pull yourself together Jedi. Calm down.’ Looking around, she located her lightsaber; however, it had been ruined during the fight. “Great,” Olana said, holding up the pieces to see what could be salvaged. Nothing but the crystals. Taking them out, She put them in one of her pouches, and reached down to take a different one from a jedi laying nearby.

Slowly, and painfully, she started to make her way towards an exit. Wary of any sound she heard, she avoided any blaster fire, and soon found herself near one of the conference rooms. Looking inside, the holographic projection of the warring systems showing those that were in trouble and had jedi and clones stationed there. The projection was working its way through the presentation, but there was no one to hear it. The bodies of those there listening were strewn over the benches; datapads lays over, under, and in pieces. Olana went in and shut off the projector.

Taking one of the exits that was still untouched, Olana unlocked the force lock and came out of the Temple onto a back alley. Look to make sure no one was around, she started down to the one place where she knew she must reach, transport. It was then that she realized that she had no money to barter passage. Not daring to return to the Temple to search for some, Olana decided she would have to find a way to offer labor and knowledge in exchange instead. Wrapping her cloak closer and putting up her hood, Olana began to limp her way along.

She was ignored as she walked, and if anyone started to look, she carefully used the Force to push them to look at something else. Making her way slowly through the streets, it soon became harder and harder to avoid the clones on her own. They were just too numerous; and to think, that not too long ago the republic was saying that there were too few.

Slipping into a cantina, Olana stuck to the shadows of the walls. In the near darkness and strange lighting, she was close to invisible. However, a gathering was being formed around the holonet projector. Nearly everyone there was watching intently. Olana carefully made her was over to listen. Using some fore senses, she was able to make out the picture and sound of the Senate and Chancellor as he made a speech.

“…and the Jedi Rebellion has been foiled. The remaining Jedi will be hunted down and defeated.”

Rebellion? We were the ones who got attacked! What was wrong with the chancellor?

“the Republic will be reorganized into The First Galactic Empire, for a safe, and secure society.”

Olana could not believe what she was hearing. There, right in front of her, was the senate cheering…for an EMPIRE. Other thoughts raced through her head: How many other Jedi had survived. What would happen to them now? What would happen to her? It was safe to assume she was no longer safe. No one would help her is they knew she was a Jedi. If she showed any sign of being a Jedi, she would most likely be attacked.

There he was. Making his way towards the training room when she finally caught up with him. It was worse than she had originally thought. All around his wake were young Jedi, lying in some sort of sick line as they had fallen to his weapon.

Anakin! What have you done?”

He stopped. Anakin turned around to face her. It was then that she saw just how bad it was. There was just one thing on his face. No remorse, only anger. “All the Jedi must be destroyed,” he shouted as he moved to her, “The Sith will rule the Galaxy…”

Anakin, wait,” she screamed back, all the while backing up, her weapon in hand, but not activated, “Stop and think for a moment. These were children…”

“You’re not.”

Olana soon had no choice but to fight for her life. Anakin had always been better that her; bigger, stronger, no so more than ever. Her skills had gone down hill since she had been spending most of her time in the archives, but the desperation of the moment brought back into sharp focus all of her endless training, all her hard work in hopes that Obi-wan would choose her as his apprentice.

Backing away from the crowd gathered at the projector, Olana left the cantina and started down the streets again, moving as fast as her wounds would allow. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a family of four as they tried to make there way towards a large transport headed away from Coruscant. In the hustle to get on board, one of the children, a young girl, managed to get separated from her mother’s hand. Her mother shouted, but the father kept on going oblivious to the loss of the child. Olana moved in. Before anybody could reach her, Olana swept the child up in her arms and began to head for the transport. The girl started to hit her and kick her, which made the already tender burns and cuts begin to bleed. Finally, on the verge of collapse for the pain, Olana moved off to the side and set the child down.

“How old are you?”, Olana asked.

“I want my momma!” the little girl screamed, as she continued to beat on Olana.

Taking a hold of the girls hands, Olana slowly moved them away from her body and in front of the both of them. Unable to hit Olana the girl slowly stopped struggling. Looking up for the first time, she stared Olana straight in the face. Tears were coming down her face in a steady stream. Looking at each other for a moment, Olana had flashes of the younglings all about the floor. They were not much older than this one. Alone, and frightened, as someone them admired betrayed their long standing trust.

“What happened to your face?” the little girl asked. This statement brought Olana back to the present. Looking her right in the eyes, Olana said,

“I am going to take you back to your family. It will be easier if I carry you, however, I need to know if you are able to stay very still while I move. Can you do that?”

The girl nodded with a very serious face and held out her hands. Gingerly, Olana picked her up and set her on her right hip. The little girl squeezed he legs to keep from falling, but did it so that Olana would not scream in protest. Together, they made it onto the transport before it left. They soon began to wander around in search of the girl’s parents. When they reached a large holding area, Olana stopped, and took a good look around. The little one found them before long, tapped Olana and pointed them out. When the mother saw the two of them coming over, she jumped up and shouted, “Telesa!” in joy. Olana carefully handed Telesa over to her mother and nearly collapsed as the father and brother came over to embrace Telesa as well.

Reaching over, the brother managed to catch her before she slammed into the ground. “Hold up there! You alright? Here, have a seat. My name is Corban Stukes.”

“Many thanks Corban for your assistance,” Olana said quietly, “however, I believe your sister is in want of a hug from you.” Turning around, Corban grabbed his sister and proceeded to tickle her mercilessly. The squeal that came out of Telesa was such a happy noise that chuckles form all over the bay could be heard. No one protested to the noise.

While the two siblings were playing, their mother came over and sat next to Olana.

“I just wanted to thank you for finding her. They would not let us off to go and get her, and—and I thought I would not get to see her again.”

“You’re welcome.” Olana replied. Just then, a sharp pain from her left side surprised her. With a gasp, she reached down to find out what it was. When she did so, her hood fell away from her face, revealing the burn from Anakin’s saber.

She ducked under a broad swing from Anakin and dodged the stab that came nearly at the same time.

“running will not stop me,” Anakin taunted, he knew she was tiring out, “all that time reading has made you lazy.”

“all that time reading has made me able to recognize something is wrong when I see it,” she gasped back, the last stab had not missed entirely, “and I see something very wrong with you. They put you on the council! Why have you turned? Why?”

Anakin did not answer. He only pressed harder. Finally, he had her saber wrist and they were in a deadlock. He slowly pushed the two crackling blades closer to her face and moved his own in with it. When they were face to face, he smiled.

“I have become the most powerful Jedi ever.”

“you are no longer a jedi Anakin,” Olana gasped, “Obi-wan always had his doubts, and so did I.”

Anakin stopped smiling. Olana watched in horror as his eyes narrowed and he began to shake. For a moment, it looked like the chosen one’s eyes had turned the red and yellow of the sith, but she never got a chance to know for sure before he jerked his saber so that he cut hers in half and burned her face.

When Olana opened her eyes, Telesa’s mother was kneeling over her, daubing burn gel on her face. When she tried to sit up, the woman gently held her down.

“you got yourself into a bit of trouble young lady. What have you been doing?”

Giving in, Olana asked, “where is this transport headed anyway?”

Alderaan,” came the answer from the father, “and from the looks of things, you are going to need a lot of medical care. We added you to the list of people who will need immediate care when we land, however, we could not find out your name, so, I decided to wait and ask you.”

Alderaan. Olana remembered hearing about that system. If she remembered correctly, they were a planet very opposed to the war; so opposed perhaps, that it might even be a safe haven for her. Obi-wan had often talked with the senators of Alderaan and Naboo. If she could get a hold of the senator with out drawing attention, she might have a chance to fully understand what was going on. But how?

“tell them, my name is Lana; and that I am a human.”

With those finally words, Olana, felt an even stronger bout of pain. It took almost all of her strength in the force at the time to keep from crying out. But all the force training in pain suppression could not keep the look of pain from her face.

When they finally arrived at Alderaan, Olana was not doing very well, the family she was with did not know what was wrong, but it was obvious that she needed immediate care. She was one of the first off the transport and into the medical facility.


“The droids are of no use,” said one medic as she gave Olana a look-over, “she is too far gone. If she is to survive, we must do it ourselves.” Reaching over, the medic began to strip away the bloody and burned clothes. Once she had the robe off, her hands fell on the belt and hook of Olana’s newly acquired lightsaber. She stopped. Staring at the weapon, the medic did not know what to do. All the reports she had heard from Coursant had said that the Jedi were not to be trusted anymore. But she had always known kindness and felt that they were trustworthy. The only person she could think of to give a final answer was—

“The Senator…” the patient had spoken for her. This dying Jedi had read her mind. Reaching down for her commlink, the medic made a direct call to the head of the medical team. “We need Senator Organa down here right now. This needs his immediate attention.

Olana was finding it difficult to keep her eyes open. Apparently Anakin had caused more damage that she had realized. The pain in her side was constant now, and getting worse. According to the medic nearby, the internal bleeding was too far along for anything to be done. The senator was on his way. The news of a surviving jedi had only gone to him and the medic. She was safe, at least, from any harm she had not already encountered. When Bail entered the room, she could tell he was surprised and troubled. He came over and sat down beside her. Slowly, he reached out and took her hand.


“I am so sorry,” he whispered.

“Do you know of any others?” Olana whispered, “Obi-wan perhaps? Master Windu? Yoda?”


“I can tell you that Kenobi and Yoda are both safe and in hiding. I can find a place for you as well-“

“Do not bother,” Olana cut him off, “I won’t last that long. My time has come to be joined with the force.”


Reluctantly, Bail nodded. He remained silent until Olana lost conciousness. It wasn’t long after until her hand went limp and she stopped breathing. When the medic jumped up, Bail turned to her and said, “No. She is gone. Let her be.”

On the other side of the building, the little girl Telesa wondered wy she felt so sad all of a sudden…

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow! Great story!

The flashbacks were a little confusing at first... Perhaps you could italicize those sections or something to set them apart from the "present".

Granny-Wan said...

A very great story,a few typos, but well written!

Anonymous said...

Nice. Well written fic, Olana was very easy to feel for. I like Order 66 fics. Have lots of ideas for them, just have to get them down on paper!

Again, good job.

Only thing I would change is the last sentence. It's a good ending, but the sentence itself needs a different structure or something. :)

GoKnight said...

Hey LL1! I'm finally getting a chance to read these! Yay!

Nice job. You did a great job developing Olana's character.

I agree with GW -- there were some typos throughout that could be easily fixed -- I know you said you did this quickly, though (which is amazing!).

Nice retelling of one Jedi's view of the purge.

I agree with Arwen -- the last sentence is clearly meant to connect the little girl an Olana --just want a clearer or more meaningful connection in that sentence -- you gave it a great buildup in their earlier exchange!

Great job!

Diviner525 said...

Hey, very enjoyable story. Generally I don't like when writers rehash scenes from the movies, but I really liked that your story revolved around a character that you created. I especially liked the interspersed scenes of her fight with Anakin, that was a cool touch.

The character has some extremely pretentious attitudes for a Jedi though - for example, her biggest problems were her face and clothes? Those were her biggest problems? How about the mortal wounds she received, shouldn't those have been big? Who cares if your clothes are wripped to shreads, surviving is generally priority number one (I would think).

Typos and grammar errors don't tend to bother me (you've got a few here and there). I look more at content and creativity, and this story is very good in those aspects. I had a few issues with logistical things, such as how did Olana evade the clones surrounding the Jedi Temple? How exactly did Bail Organa find Olana?

Those are details that could be filled in (or maybe I missed them), but basically this is a cool story.

Great job Leialookalike.

DragonFang said...

Here's my entirely personal critique of your story - and not of you, personally, of course.

Language:
Generally, your use of language is good. The aformentioned typos could easily have been fixed by re-reading it. It did not get in the way of the readability, though. Good job. A bit confusing about the point of view near the ending - at first, the medic is thinking, right? And then, whose point of view is it when Olana dies? Medium-high points.

Plot:
I like the way you took a setting that is known to everyone, yet made it a personal story of a Jedi previously unknown. Some minor things like how Bail got there immediately were perhaps a bit too easy, but overall, nothing in the way of believability. I found it a bit confusing to hear about the injuries Olana had, walking around almost as if nothing was wrong, and then dying of them. This made the ending rather sudden to me, which is a pity. Overall, a pretty good job you did on the plot. High points.

Characters:
I like that you made a new character - several, even. Olana was rather well fleshed-out, but that could've been worked on more. Now the one defining trait I found was that she was envious (for lack of a better word) of Anakin and distrusted him. More traits would be welcome. Anakin was a bit shallow, but then at this point he would be. Bail had no character beyond two lines (why did he have to come down when she just died without much conversation?). The family you described were too shallow - the girl was rather good, the parents were just concerned, the brother was a needless character. With only minor additions you could have made them "alive". Now all you had is a starting point. Overall, medium points on characters.

Overall:
I had fun reading this story. Some minor points did not get too much in the way of the story, but you could've worked out a bit more on some things. Overall, good job.

Robin Parker said...

Here's my entirely personal critique of your story - and not of you, personally, of course.

I'm seeing that Dragonboy has a pattern here...cute! :)

And I have to agree with his points too...As everybody pointed out, a few typos here and there, but no need to sweat.


I agree with Arwen -- the last sentence is clearly meant to connect the little girl an Olana --just want a clearer or more meaningful connection in that sentence -- you gave it a great buildup in their earlier exchange!

Exactly!! I would have dove deeper into that relationship and less on Olana trying to escape the Galatic Empire and Anakin's torture.

Overall: Great job and fun read.