Monday, January 18, 2010

Apology Accepted, Captain Needa

Captain's Log:

Captain’s Holocron 41464.3. - As acting Captain of the Avenger, my unit has been assigned to Darth Vader’s Death Squadron. I have my doubts about Admiral Ozzel’s motives and fear he will be killed by either the Emperor or that…that…Dark Lord known as Darth Vader. We all fear for ourselves. Funny thing is the fleet has dubbed the Sith Apprentice, Vader Bastard. I have to remind them to be careful of what they say. I have to trust Admiral Ozzel’s motives. My loyalties still lie with him and I shall continue to serve as his main advisory, but I fear this will result in severe consequences towards the fleet.

Captain’s Holocron 41467.2. – Gone are the glory days of the Clone Wars, where I could command my ship under my free will. It seems as though the Emperor has forgotten my maneuvers during the Clone Wars at the Battle of Coruscant. It was I that trapped and destroyed General Grievous' Invisible Hand. Now all I feel is this tight hold around my neck from Vader, the Emperor’s puppet. I no longer can command my ship as I please for it is controlled under a tight leash by that Vader bastard. I will continue to do what I do best; discover and destroy the Rebel Alliance. Maybe that will get me some respect someday.

Captain’s Holocron 41468.5. – Oh crap, I've just been informed from Captain Piett, who is now acting Admiral, that my strongest ally Admiral Ozzel, has been force choked to death by Vader. I guess Vader can be called the Executioner, befitting that his ship is called Executor. On the orders of Darth Executioner (I meant Vader), the Avenger’s course has been set to the planet world known as Hoth. I hope this doesn’t turn out to be just another wild bantha goose chase around the galaxy after a bunch of snot nosed kids and a ship that looks like a flying saucer. My patience is growing thin. I would enjoy being released from duties under this Vader bastard. He’ll be the death of me yet if my crew and I continue to follow him on these damn-fool-idealistic-crusades.

Captain’s Holocron 41525.2. - What the hell is this Vader bastard thinking? He’s instructed the fleet to fly into an asteroid field after those snot-nosed kids in that ship that looks like a flying saucer. The Avenger is taking severe hits from the asteroid field. I must rethink our course and plea with Vader that this is not a good idea. He might as well tell me to pass out ‘death sticks’ to my crew as that would be a quicker death than flying through an asteroid field.

Captain’s Holocron 41600.7. - Damn that Captain, he’s good and outmaneuvered my Star Destroyer and nearly caused it to collide with another pursuing destroyer. The Avenger suffered damage while it searched for the elusive Falcon, and the gunners stationed on board were forced to focus their attention on incoming asteroids rather than looking out for that freighter. While present during a holographic conference, I informed the Dark Lord that it had been some time since the freighter had appeared on the Avenger's sensors. I noted to Darth Executioner, given the amount of damage that the Imperial fleet had sustained due to asteroid collisions, the freighter had to have been destroyed. However, Vader didn’t believe me, and gave me orders to stay the course. We're all doomed.

Captain’s Holocron 41712.2 . - What in nine-Mustafar hells is that Vader bastard thinking? He’s hired bounty hunters. Swell, just swell. I’ve already informed Admiral Piett that the Avenger’s priority signal had tracked down that freighter and that we were about to capture her. We don’t need no stinking bounty hunters.

Captain’s Holocron 41812.9. - That freighter moved into attack position while the Avenger pursued it out of the asteroid field and into the neighboring Anoat System. I watched in horror as the freighter charged my bridge…my bridge…that Captain has balls or he’s insane by attempting to ram MY destroyer head-on. I’ve ordered the crew to track and prepare the Avenger in case that freighter makes another pass, but I've been informed that the Avenger’s sensors lost track of her. I wonder how that ship could have escaped? Oh crap, I’ve just been informed by the communications officer M'kae that Vader demands an update on the pursuit. I have no choice but to rendezvous with the Executor where I will personally apologize for losing his prey. I believe it is the most honorable thing to do, maybe begging for my life might help too. Vader is quite fond of conducting aggressive negotiations for situations like this. I hope the force is with me and that he is in a good mood.

First Officer's Log – The Avenger, supplemental.[open transmission] Captain Needa has just been force choked by Lord Vader. Wonder if I’ll get promoted to Captain of the Avenger. What a shiny thought…[end transmission]

11 comments:

Gidrea Lightsky said...

OMFG, this is AWESOME... I'm still laughing...

Granny-Wan said...

LMAO... this is great... Vader in a good mood... yeah, when Mustafar freezes over...

Another great blog challenge! Makes me wish I could still blog, but that's life!

MTFBWY

Robin Parker said...

Hey old fart, I'm seeing double vision of you...ROTFLMAO

Granny-Wan said...

Maybe you need coffee...

nob01 said...

Vader.
That Inglorious Basterd.

Nicely done, Mina!

Qui-Gon Reborn said...

Not bad, for a rush job...ROFL

JediMelindaWolf said...

Delightful!

Poor Needa. He was doomed from the very beginning.

Nicely done, oh fearless leader.

MTFBWY :-)

Robin Parker said...

Maybe you need coffee...,

I am a leaf upon the wind, watch me soar...with coffee in my system...LMAO

Vader.
That Inglorious Basterd.
,

hehehe...yeeeeesssss...LOL

Not bad, for a rush job...ROFL,

Phew baby and full of typos...LMAO

Delightful!,

Delightful? err, ohm, OK, if you say so (LOL). Not the point I was trying to drive home, but it works for me if it works for you. :D

Poor Needa. He was doomed from the very beginning.,

The whole freaking staff was doomed...LOL

Qui-Gon Reborn said...

Phew baby and full of typos...LMAO

I didn't notice any...




Cough, cough, cough...LOL

GalacticBabe said...

Darth Executioner

Too funny! Nice job, Master!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.