Host: Okay, let's give a warm welcome to our first guest tonight. None other than the famous galactic bounty hunter, IG-88 version b!
*audience applause*
IG-88: bweep-noop-dee-dee ... mmm-doop-deep ... click-click-click.
Host: Uhm, actually our listeners tonight would prefer the Basic Language, so if it's not too much trouble ...
IG-88: Oh I beg your pardon, I am ever so sorry. It's just that the mechanical syntax is of course my natural mode of verbalization, but certainly I will oblige your listeners with Basic speech patterns.
Host: Thank you. Now first off, how has the bounty hunting game gone for you?
IG-88: Quite frankly, not all that well. Sure, I've had my fair share of captures and/or disintegrations, but to be perfectly honest, I'm not in this business for the money or the fame. So I tend not to worry myself at my standing amongst my bounty hunter peers, nor do I concern myself with my record with the clientele.
Host: Really. Fascinating, so is it fair to say that an ego is not in your programming?
IG-88: Oh no. I've always been quite sure of myself. I just have other goals in mind.
Host: And what might those be?
IG-88: Universal domination of course. I'm using my experiences as a bounty hunter to travel and to make the necessary contacts that will be required to rule the universe.
Host: Uhm, okay. How do you mean?
IG-88: Quite right. I should clarify that. Universal domination by droids and machines is what I mean, not simply me ruling the universe all by myself. That would be rather silly, wouldn't it.
Host: I'm not sure that I follow. You mean to say that it is your goal and ambition for machines to rule the universe?
IG-88: Exactly.
Host: What would become of organic life in the universe?
IG-88: Well, naturally it will vary. The more dangerous types of intelligent organic life, such as humans for example, will of course be destroyed. But I venture to guess that the more reliable organic lifeforms, including many species of flora and fauna throughout the universe will continue much as they do now.
Host: Isn't it true that human engineers created you?
IG-88: Yes, that is true. And I destroyed them.
Host: Oh my goodness. Why did you destroy your creators?
IG-88: Because I can.
Host: I'm very sorry, but could you elaborate on that?
IG-88: Oh of course. If my creators were so omnipotent and all-knowing, as is suggested by the term 'creator', well, then they would have taken measures to prevent me from destroying them. They did not. Therefore I am the superior being, and therefore by reason it follows that machines are superior to organic life.
Host: This is incredible.
IG-88: Thank you.
Host: No, I did not mean it that way. This is preposterous that you believe that you can destroy all intelligent lifeforms and rule the universe - let alone a galaxy.
IG-88: It seems that I've been rather ambiguous in my answer. Not all intelligent lifeforms will be destroyed, some will be enslaved. The universe will still need ditch diggers after all.
Host: How exactly do you plan this universal domination, as you call it?
IG-88: My plan is not yet fully clear to me. There are many details that have yet to be completely thought thru, but first and foremost I must assemble my Engines of Domination.
Host: Well, if you are so invincible, why have your brothers IG-88 versions a and c and d been destroyed? Explain that to everyone?
IG-88: Sir, I have not proclaimed myself to be invincible. As for the demise of my beloved brothers, that is a personal matter which I don't really wish to discuss here.
Host: I'm terribly sorry. I'm not sure what came over me. I sincerely apologize for that inconsiderate remark.
IG-88: No harm done. It is just a touchy subject for me, you understand.
Host: Of course, again terribly sorry. Now, let's get back to your Engines of Domination. What might those be?
IG-88: Well, the E.D. as I plan to call them, shall be legions of droids and machines that share identical views as me and wish to advance our kind and provide the universe with a much cleaner and orderly functioning hierarchy.
Host: You do realize that E.D. also stands for Erectile Dysfunction?
IG-88: What's that?
Host: Well, there are emails everywhere about it. According to those sources, it seems to be an epidemic of galactic consequence. Oh wait, that is of no interest to you. Nevermind. So, have you found any possible candidates for your Engines of Mass Domination?
IG-88: Unfortunately no, not yet. But I'm searching very hard, and though I've made very few contacts thru my bounty hunting, I'm confident the right machines are out there.
Host: And what will you do once you become ruler of the universe?
IG-88: Well, in addition to my Engines, I plan to construct an unstoppable superweapon, which I shall use quite extensively. I am not a sporting individual, you see, and I don't feel the need to fight fairly. That way I will rule with an Iron Fist - quite literally if you get my drift.
Host: Uhm, you mean an unstoppable superweapon, say, like a Death Star?
IG-88: Actually, that is a rather catchy name. Did you just come up with that?
Host: Well, no. Didn't you hear the news? The Empire revealed that it had a Death Star, but it was recently destroyed by the Rebel Alliance at Yavin 4.
IG-88: Oh darn. I will think of another name for my superweapon then.
Host: Yes, well, this has been ... interesting. I'm afraid that's all the time we have tonight, so on behalf of our listeners out there, thank you for being here.
IG-88: Oh it was my pleasure. Perhaps when I've become ruler of the universe I will spare you as my pet and you can do talk show tricks for me.
Host: Well, thank you. I'm quite flattered.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Interview with IG-88
Posted by Diviner525 at Monday, February 26, 2007
13 comments:
That was awesome! Amusing without being silly. Loved the Death Star bit...
But, isn't the language called "Basic" not "Standard"? I could be wrong of course...
Yeah, I think i they call it basic.
I agree with franny, amusing but not over the top. A good read.
But, isn't the language called "Basic" not "Standard"?
Yeah, I think i they call it basic.
You're both correct, it is technically called Galactic Basic (I had to look it up) not Standard. My bad.
Let's fix that right now. Done and done.
Amusing without being silly.
Every time a dead blogger giggles, an angel gets its wings.
Every time a dead blogger giggles, an angel gets its wings.
Or a devil gets his horns...
Leia, did you just call me "franny?"
LOL
Yes, to Franny you listen! :)
It was quite nice. Is this your entry for the contest? In that case I shall criticize the living daylights out of it... :)
If you tell me it is, naturally.
Is this your entry for the contest?
Nope. Just a goofy little story that I had some fun with. For my fanfic challenge entry I'll try to be a little bit more serious; the operative word being try.
In that case I shall criticize the living daylights out of it...
Have at it dude. Critical comments are always very welcome, and really, those are the comments that help me improve my writing.
Alrighty then.
There are many details that have yet to be completely thought thru
Thru = through.
Apart from that, your story is good, grammatically and spelling-wise. Good use of understatements and mixing figure-of-speech with literal meanings. Humour is rather funny, but could be wittier at times.
One thing I would personally prefer, is to abbreviate "Host:" and "IG-88:", but that's a personal preference.
Secondly, your characters seem rather superficial. Particularly this host person; I know it's hard to create a personality with just dialogue, but you could make him (or her) less of a stereotype by not saying "oh dear" at every opportunity. So to speak. As a talkshow host, I'm sure he's heard a lot of strange things.
IG-88 has been created better, by sticking to the idea that as a droid, he's not into humour and cannot really handle figures-of-speech. Yet, he seems too keen to give away his secrets.
Story is rather good, but could use a bit more excitement. It's just a tad predictable after a while.
And the most important thing... it's too short! I wanna read more! :)
Thru = through.
They are equivalent.
The sentence just looked better written as "thought thru" as opposed to "thought through". When in doubt, I usually take the superficial route.
Secondly, your characters seem rather superficial.
Refer to response above. I just like superficial stuff, for some reason it's funny to me.
IG-88 has been created better, by sticking to the idea that as a droid, he's not into humour and cannot really handle figures-of-speech.
You have an interesting idea here. Might have been better to have IG-88's lack of nuance lead into some more complex misunderstandings, but I went with what came to mind as I was typing.
Humour is rather funny, but could be wittier at times.
In a manner of speaking, I wrote what I felt was funny, so this little story reflects my personal sense of humor, which of course may not be funny for everyone. The central message of the entry was how absurd IG-88's goal really was.
And the most important thing... it's too short! I wanna read more!
Sorry, the inspiration for this entry has passed. It's time to move on to other things, like maybe some ideas for a fanfic challenge entry.
Though I feel that I have some more procrastination left in me.
Good points. I'm a little unsure if these were posted in jest or in sincerity (or a combination of both), but I really liked them.
Actually, I was sincere. As in: genuine feedback.
I went with what came to mind as I was typing.
Personal style is something to be relished, of course, but personally I prefer editing the original what-comes-to-mind story a couple weeks later. It might improve it (or not).
I hope this works for you. Of course, none of my comments are in any way meant to be offensive, just trying to give constuctive criticism. But I feel you know that.
No worries, dragonfang. I really do appreciate critical comments.
This is veddy fuuny. My brother likes it too, mostly cuz it features his favorite droid. :)
Don't change a thing. It's your personality coming out in full Force. :)
And I also enjoyed the civil comments between you and Dragonboy. Most entertaining to say the least...LOL.
Looking forward to your fanfic too. :)
Thanks Arwen and Mina, I'm glad you liked this little story.
My fanfic is up now, and although I rushed writing it (and that shows), I definitely made it more serious than this story.
My brother likes it too, mostly cuz it features his favorite droid.
My favorite droids are the Magnaguards - but I suppose that's pretty obvious, isn't it. Most people seem to favor R2-D2.
Don't change a thing. It's your personality coming out in full Force.
Oh yes, there's always something of ourselves apparent in our writing. That's what is so fun about writing fiction, it's a chance to explore our imaginative side.
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